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January 18, 2016

5 Reasons you shouldn’t take the Intro to Bouldering class

5 Reasons you shouldn’t take the Intro to Bouldering Class

  1. You might unlock hidden climbing abilities… I mean think about it, if you come to the Intro to Bouldering Class, you may unlock hidden climbing abilities as you are taught fundamental climbing techniques. If this happens, you might discover how much fun climbing outside can be… Next thing you know you’ve sold your house, bought a van and moved to the boulder fields to live the dirtbag life. Don’t unlock hidden climbing abilities! Don’t come to the Intro to Bouldering Class.
  2. You might end up spending more time at the gym… I mean think about it, if you come to the Intro to Bouldering Class, you may learn indoor climbing etiquette and feel more comfortable climbing in the gym. If this happens, you’ll probably want to climb more often at the gym. And then, how will you finish watching House of Cards on Netflix for the third time? Don’t feel more comfortable in the gym! Don’t take the Intro to Bouldering Class.
  3. You might end up making new friends… I mean think about it, if you come to the Intro to Bouldering Class, you may end up meeting other people with similar interests as you. If this happens, you may end up developing a friendship with those people. Next thing you know you’re going on incredible climbing adventures outside with new friends and creating an impossible conundrum to figure out. Which filter will you use to document the adventure? Don’t make new friends! Don’t go to the Intro to Bouldering Class.
  4. You might end up learning how to boulder safely… I mean think about it, if you come to the Intro to Bouldering Class, you may learn how to boulder safely. If you learn how to boulder safely, you might not get injured climbing inside/outside. If that happens, you won’t end up wearing a boot on your right foot for eight weeks. Next thing you know you haven’t spent the past eight weeks Instagramming pictures of board games, scrapbooking and other sedentary activities. Don’t learn how to boulder safely! Don’t take the Intro to Bouldering Class.
  5. You might end up saving money on a Monday night… I mean think about it, if you’re a member and you come to the Intro to Bouldering Class, you won’t spend any money. If this happens, you’ll have to figure out what you’re going to do with $30. Next thing you know you’ve eaten four Chipotle Burritos, increasing the likelihood of you getting e coli poisoning by 400%. Don’t save money! Don’t take the Intro to Bouldering Class.
  • Mia Vanderschaaf

    best. article. ever.